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Funeral Etiquette: An Affordable Burials and Cremations Guide

Welcome to Affordable Burials and Cremations’ guide on funeral etiquette.  Read on to learn the basics of attending funerals.

No matter what the occasion, etiquette can be tricky because if you violate its unspoken rules, you may never know – people are unlikely to let you know what faux pas you may have committed, which puts you at risk of unknowingly offending someone or acting improperly over and over. This is especially true for funerals. On the one hand, grieving relatives are likely too consumed with their own emotions to worry too much about your funeral attire or behaviour; on the other hand, a solemn occasion of mourning is the last place you want to commit a serious social error.

Attendance

You do not need an explicit invitation to attend a funeral unless it’s a special private event for the closest family and friends only. In the vast majority of cases, anyone can attend a funeral and pay their respects to the deceased; all are welcomed to say farewell. Often, after the service, family members and close friends will meet at the chief mourner’s house or another location, such as a local restaurant, to enjoy refreshments and provide each other with support; these affairs may be more restricted (if only by size and logistics) than the funeral itself.

If you receive a funeral notice and cannot attend, it is appropriate to respond to the notice with your regrets and condolences.

Attire

Unless explicitly stated otherwise in the funeral instructions, formal clothes, usually dark or black in colour, are appropriate. Be sure to dress for the weather. Head coverings are not necessary unless there is a religious tradition of wearing (or specifically not wearing) a hat or head covering; when you arrive at the funeral home, you may ask the funeral director for assistance on this matter.

Seating

The front seats are traditionally reserved for chief mourners, like immediate family and next of kin. When you enter, if you notice that the chapel is very large and looks empty, do not sit in the back rows unless you have babies or toddlers in tow who might become disruptive and need a ready exit. Sitting too far back can make the mourning family feel isolated and make the chapel feel emptier than it is, as well as forcing the officiant to strain to be heard throughout the service.

Funeral Procession

The person arranging the funeral typically decides who will follow the hearse from the church or funeral home to the burial plot. Sometimes this is planned out very explicitly in advance; at other times, this decision may be made immediately following the funeral. Most people just travel in their own cars and meet the procession at the cemetery; you can check with the funeral director to get the most direct route to the gravesite.

What to avoid…

Asking intimate questions about the deceased’s state of health or exact cause of death, if you are not already privy to these details

-Acting rushed or hurried at the funeral. Pay your respects at the casket for at least one minute, and take time to sign the register.

-Sobbing loudly during the service, which can be disruptive to other mourners.

October 19, 2023
The death of a beloved friend or family member is one of life’s greatest challenges. Our staff at Affordable Burials and Cremations sees firsthand how a loss can turn the world upside down, creating unfamiliar feelings and unexpected reactions. Grief often affects a person physically, emotionally, and even spiritually, as they struggle to adjust to life without their loved one in it. Taking part in a grief group benefits you embracing the opportunity to express feelings with others who understand what they are going through. Some who have lost a loved one wonder if a support group could ever help them. They are so mired in their grief they can’t even imagine sitting down in a room of strangers. But support groups are a time-tested method of help for people struggling with all sorts of difficulties – and grief is among them. That said, it’s important to find a support group that works for you; one that is free of judgement, offers guidance, validation, and reassurance. Here are four groups our team recommends: GriefShare – Support online and in person for adults grieving a loss GriefShare is a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone. GriefShare seminars and support groups are led by people who understand what you are going through and want to help. You’ll gain access to valuable GriefShare resources to help you recover from your loss and look forward to rebuilding your life. Web Healing – Interactive Grief website Web Healing, the internet’s first interactive grief website, has served the bereaved on the net since 1995. It offers grief discussion boards where men and women can discuss issues related to grief and healing or browse recommended grief books. The site’s originator, Tom Golden, LCSW, is an internationally known psychotherapist, author, and speaker on the topic of healing from loss. The Compassionate Friends – Support after the death of a child Whether your family has had a child die (at any age, from any cause), or you are trying to help those who have gone through this life-altering experience, The Compassionate Friends exists to provide friendship, understanding, and hope to those going through the natural grieving process. The Compassionate Friends has been supporting bereaved families after the death of a child for four decades. Remember, no matter where you are in your grief journey, you can always turn to us for advice and assistance. We’ve been serving families in the Toronto area for more than 50 years now and have many connections and numerous resources available. You can c ount on us to be there for you – always.
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Throughout our lives, we collect quite a few things possessions: furniture, clothing, knickknacks, books, and more. When a family member dies , they leave their belongings behind along with the question, “What should you do with all of this stuff?” It’s no surprise this is a highly sensitive issue, as these items serve as a visible reminder of someone who meant so much to so many.
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Throughout our decades of experience at Affordable Burials and Cremations , our caring team has been asked many times by families in the Toronto area what it’s like to be in deathcare, and whether our work is somehow depressing and morbid. While it is true that the work we do here is not easy, we always respond that above all else, our work is immensely rewarding. It is a tremendous honor to have someone entrust to you the planning of a loved one’s final farewell . We are also constantly inspired by the resilience of the human spirit and the strength of the family bond when facing a loss together. It is true tragedy often brings out the best in people.
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